Till you say you love me
by AmaiTsumi
Summary: Human beings are such complicated creatures. When they develop a desire for something, there is no stopping them from achieving what they want. However, the more forcefully they try to achieve those desires, the more easily they get hurt... Translation of a Japanese fic from pixiv
1. Chapter 1

Hi all! AmaiTsumi from tumblr here~~~~

This is a translation of a popular KidLaw story by Ginshirou on pixiv. She has kindly allowed me to translate this wonderful work and share it with everyone, so do enjoy the story!

**Warning:** M content in future chapters. Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

Human beings are such complicated creatures. When they develop a desire for something, there is no stopping them from achieving what they want. The desires make their hearts hunger and crave. They find joy in thinking of ways to sate their desire, and revel in carrying out those thoughts. They act like children, bawling as if their favourite toy had been broken. And when they achieve their desires, they smile with joy and bask in supremacy. That is the nature of these frightening creatures known as humans.

However, the more forcefully they try to achieve those desires, the more easily they get hurt. More often than not, it ends with separation and regret. That is also the nature of these foolish creatures known as humans.

**XXXXXX**

...There was someone he wanted above all others.

Someone who was extremely precious to him.

Someone he couldn't even imagine losing.

**XXXXXX**

"I've got a girlfriend."

That was what Eustass Kid told Law four years ago.

The can of coffee he had been drinking crashed to the ground, spilling onto his clothes. The wind blew, and the now-empty can rolled away from him, yet Law did not notice as he stood staring at the man beside him, his mind totally blank.

"Oh... Congrats," he was unable to force a smile to go with the words. Kid sighed and crouched down.

"You got coffee all over your uniform. It'll definitely stain. What were you doing?" Kid asked as he pulled on the hem of Law's soaked trousers, looking up to his face.

"Sorry..." Law murmured as he stared at the coffee slowly seeping up his trouser leg. It was a cruel shock. His mind refused to register Kid's words.

Refused to comprehend what he had just heard.

Before he knew it, he was back home, curled up in his bed. His mind was reeling, stained uniform all but forgotten. He was too late.

Someone else had stolen Kid away before he could even voice his feelings.

Sorrow and hate rose up in his heart. He viciously fought them down, as thoughts of how he could get Kid to notice him started running through his mind.

He knew that he was being irrational, but he couldn't stop himself. Kid not being at his side hurt.

He did not want to imagine losing his place beside Kid.

He had to do something.

"...Eustass-ya..." He whispered as he gripped the sheets tightly, the need to make Kid his dominating his mind.

**XXXXXX**

Fours years passed. She had been inseparable from Kid, clinging to him tenaciously, giving Law no chance to confess his feelings. In the end, there was nothing Law could do, apart from seething with jealousy at the sight of the couple.

'If only they broke up.' 'I wish they would break up.' 'I'm sure they will one day,'

Thoughts like these kept Law going. However, their relationship had remained strong through the past four years.

And then, four years after that initial shock, it happened again.

"I'm thinking of marrying her after we graduate from college."

It was winter, their final year in college, and it was as cold as that day so long ago, but this time, they were no longer in uniforms. Law was clad in a deep blue duffel coat and leather boots, with white fluffy gloves on his hands and his face almost hidden within a muffler.

However, the can of coffee he was holding seemed like the one he had held all those years ago. Even the way it fell from his hands onto the ground and splashed onto his boots felt exactly the same.

"...What about your career...? You don't even have money yet...right?" He couldn't stop the doubts spilling from his lips.

"I told you that I'll be taking over my dad's factory, right? And I've been saving up all this while. We won't be getting married immediately of course, but I wanna get engaged first... And you dropped your coffee."

"...Oh," Law looked at the smiling Kid, wondering if they had indeed travelled back in time.

Law had first met Kid back in high school, and before he knew it, he had fallen for the redhead. Unable to work up the courage to confess, he had let the days go by, telling himself that he was content just being by Kid's side. Up until that day.

Even after that, he had managed to comfort himself. 'It's alright, she's just a girlfriend. It's ok, I'm still able to remain by his side.' Kid had introduced her to Law shortly had come across as a quiet and gentle girl. At that time, thoughts of sabotaging their relationship had surfaced in his mind, but he had blocked them out.

Now, he regretted not doing it.

Kid crouched and picked up the fallen coffee can, aiming and throwing it into a garbage bin nearby. He gave a satisfied smirk when the can sailed right in with a clunk. A frown took over his features when he looked back at Law, before stretching out a hand to ruffle his hair, "Hey, don't look so worried. It'll be fine. You're both equally precious to me, I promise I won't neglect our friendship."

"...Ok," Law sighed. 'That's not it. You don't understand,' he wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come.

"Anyway, let's go back. It's cold, and you need to take care of those," Kid tilted his head to indicate Law's coffee-stained boots. Law knew that the coffee could be easily wiped off, since his boots were made of leather. Unfortunately, he had no tissues with him, so he nodded and the two hurried towards Kid's place.

**XXXXXX**

It was Friday, and they had made plans to hold a quiet drinking session over at Kid's apartment. Classes had ended in the afternoon, and the two had met up at the usual place in the evening, behind the strange-looking statue outside the train station. After that, they had gone to the nearby supermarket, where they bought some snacks and beer while chatting about trivial matters. Law had spotted a vending machine and bought coffee as well.

Until that point, everything had been as per normal. And then, Kid had spoken those words.

The cold stung Law's nose as he hurried along the road. Aside from the sounds of the cans of beer rattling together in the plastic bag swaying by his side and Kid's footsteps beside him, the scene was shrouded in wintry silence. His ice-cold earrings felt like painful needles piercing through his earlobes.

'Everything's in vain,' the thought suddenly invaded Law's mind.

He had kept this unattainable love in his heart all these years, unable to confess, yet unable to let go and support Kid in his relationship. Every thought had been about how he could come between the couple, to cast doubt on their love. Yet as he continued to hold on to nothing, Kid had taken steps forward with her, hands held and their faces lit up with joy.

Law's lips tightened as he held back the desire to just let the tears flow. They were on their way to Kid's place to drink and enjoy themselves. It wasn't the time to cry.

He needed to act normal, to smile and pretend that everything was alright.

**XXXXXX**

They reached Kid's apartment block and climbed up the stairs to his unit. Kid opened the door with hands numbed by cold, and bent down to take his shoes off at the entrance.

"Stay here, I'll get a towel for you," he said as he entered the apartment and disappeared into the bathroom. For a moment, Law wondered what he was talking about, before suddenly remembering his stained boots.

"It's alright, they've pretty much dried off," he called out. Indeed, the walk back had dried off the dripping coffee.

"Idiot. I'm more worried about you dirtying my place."

Law looked up at Kid's words, just in time for the towel Kid had thrown to hit him in the face. The smell of the towel, the same as Kid's clothes, invaded his nose. Grabbing it, he gave his mostly dry boots a few casual wipes before taking them off and entering the apartment.

"...I'm coming in," he gave the customary greeting as he opened the door to the living room.

"Yeah. Oh, just leave the towel in the basket in the bathroom."

Law hummed a reply as he made his way to the bathroom. Turning on the light, he threw the towel into the laundry basket, which already held numerous articles of clothing, before glancing at the mirror before the washbasin.

There, on the shelf beneath the mirror, was a second toothbrush beside Kid's own, as well as a pair of diamond-studded earrings of a simple design.

Looking up, he saw himself in the mirror. A flat chest, a skinny body without an extra ounce of flesh to round out his figure, and a face that was undoubtedly male. The same gender as Kid.

Reality hit him hard as his heart wrenched.

'Why was I born a guy?' The question he had repeatedly asked himself echoed once again in his mind as he gritted his teeth.

"Trafalgar?" Kid's voice startled him out of his thoughts, and he hurried back to the living room. Kid had arranged the snacks and cans of beer on the small kotatsu's table. Seeing Law return, he impatiently grabbed a can and opened it.

Law sat down opposite Kid, snuggling under the blanket, and reached for the snacks piled on the table. With the kotatsu's heat and the beer, his body quickly warmed back up.

A programme about celebrities taking on funny challenges was showing on TV, and Kid occasionally burst into loud laughter as they watched the show. Soon, Law followed suit, and he managed to forget his troubles as he enjoyed Kid's company.

**XXXXXX**

"...About what I told you earlier..."

They had already gone through several cans of beer each when Kid spoke up, as if he had suddenly remembered what they were talking about.

"Would you...come with me? To select a ring..."

'He must be drunk,' Law thought. Kid never spoke with such uncertainty in his voice.

"...Why should I? Shouldn't you go with her...?" Law replied. He wouldn't stoop so low. He couldn't.

The burn he had felt in his heart when Kid mentioned marriage several hours ago came back with a vengeance. He knew that he should give up, yet he was overwhelmed by the urge to confess his feelings to Kid.

He couldn't imagine keeping his sexuality a secret forever. Nor could he continue to lie about his lack of interest in romance. But could he bring himself to just suddenly confess his feelings?

Seeing Law's troubled expression, Kid gave an apologetic smile.

"I plan to surprise her with it. She knows that I've been saving up, but she's said before that when we get married, she doesn't want it to be a big affair. She even went so far as to say that she doesn't want a ring... But I wanna make her happy. I wanna see her smile..."

Law's ears hurt.

He understood perfectly how much Kid treasured her, had seen it with his own eyes these past four years. He knew that he had no place in their relationship.

"Besides, you're really thin and your fingers are slender like hers... I was thinking that you could help me with the size fitting..."

"...Alright." In the end, there was nothing else he could say. Yes, he wanted Kid to be happy, but he wanted Kid to be happy with him.

"Thank you, Trafalgar! You're really my best friend!" Kid exclaimed as he leaned across the table and embraced Law.

Kid's arms around his neck. Kid's head against his shoulder. Kid's familiar cologne stinging his nose.

"Best friend."

That was all he was. Nothing less, yet nothing more. Kid's arms around him suddenly felt restrictive and uncomfortable.

"Yes...I know. Now let go, you're really heavy," he said, slapping Kid on the back. However, instead of letting him go, Kid held on tighter.

"...Trafalgar, I really love how nice you are to me," Kid whispered in his ear.

Law's heart started to race. "...What do you mean, love...?"

"Heheh, just accept it, ok?" With that, Kid let go and returned to his side of the table, slipping his feet under the blankets once more. Their legs tangled together underneath the tiny kotatsu.

Law felt hot. The spots where Kid's body had made contact with his burned. The redhead's lips as he whispered in Law's ear, his breath, his arms, his legs tangled with Law's own.

It all scorched Law's skin.

'I love you so much, what should I do? I want to tell you, but I can't find the words. Even if I could, I'm afraid of what you would think of me.'

"So, will you be free next week? We'll meet at the usual spot, then we'll go..."

He tuned out Kid's words, nodding at appropriate intervals as his gaze shifted towards the open door leading to Kid's room. Kid had rented this apartment when they started college, for an affordable price of 48,000yen per month. He could still remember Kid's smile when he had signed for the place, satisfied with himself for finding such a great bargain within the city area.

It had started out as a dreary place, but it had slowly started to fill up with furniture, unmistakably selected by a female hand. It felt as if they were already living together, with the cushions and soft toys in the bedroom and her accessories casually left in various spots around the house.

Every time Law visited, the photographs on display changed. Sometimes, they showed scenes taken when the couple went on a date. Sometimes, they were photos taken in the exact living room Law was sitting in. Each photograph depicted a time which belonged to them, a Kid whom Law did not know.

And now, they were getting married.

Law knew that there was no point in holding on. Yes, he wished for it all to be a lie, for Kid to laugh and tell him that it was all a joke. But the image of Kid's blushing expression and the solemn look in his eyes refused to leave Law's mind, reminding him that all this was reality.

"After that, we'll go for lunch at the underground mall. And then..." Watching Kid plan out his ring shopping day, Law suddenly burst out laughing.

"Eustass-ya"

"Hm?"

There wasn't much time left. He had to make Kid his.

It didn't matter how. He had to do it. He had to have Kid. It didn't matter if anyone got hurt in the process. It didn't matter if he himself got hurt in the process.

As long as he had Kid, he would be alright.

"You're really such an idiot, but that's why I love you."

And that was the first time Law told Kid that he loved him. The spoken words ignited a fire in Law's heart.

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)


	2. Chapter 2

Hi all!

I just realized that I totally forgot to mention an important someone in the previous chapter. This story is being beta-ed by the wonderful lovely **beposbutt**. Thank you babe, you're the best! (●´□`)

On to the next chapter!

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

Morning came without a cloud in sight. Despite this, it was still freezing cold, so it had been a hassle to dress up and go outside.

Law was late. With brisk steps, he made his way towards the statue in front of the train station. The area was crowded, as expected on a Saturday morning with businessmen heading to work, part-timers along the road handing out flyers, and crowds of young people milling about.

Scanning the crowd, Law spotted the redhead beside the statue next to a group of girls. Despite it being winter, the girls were all scantily clad in revealing tops and skirts. Kid was oblivious to the group of females as he stared at his phone, not noticing Law's approach.

"Eustass-ya!"

Kid looked up from his smartphone at Law, "Hey, Trafalgar."

The girls had also noticed Law, and were chattering excitedly amongst themselves, no doubt excited by the sight of the handsome man walking towards them. Kid shot them a glare before clicking his tongue in annoyance and grabbed Law's hand.

"Let's get away from these annoying girls," he growled.

Kid's hand was large and warm, strong in his grip as he practically dragged Law away.

"Eustass-ya..."

'Let go,' Law wanted to say, but the words died in his throat.

He did not want Kid to let go, especially when the small gesture from the redhead made him feel so much joy. However, people were starting to stare.

At that moment, Kid turned around and gave him a meaningful glance, as if to say, 'Just hold on. I don't wanna lose you in the crowd.'

Law gently tightened his hold on Kid's hand as he pulled his muffler up to hide his face with his other hand. As the two walked on, Law's gaze never once wavered from the man before him.

**XXXXXX**

The bell above the store entrance chimed as they entered. A female sales clerk dressed in a black suit came forward immediately to greet them.

Law glanced around the store's display cases, where rings, necklaces and other accessories, probably each costing millions of yen, were arrayed in an extravagant display. "So expensive..." he murmured to himself.

Kid had already made his way to the rings, and was scrutinizing each one. Sometimes, a smile would light up his face. Sometimes, he tilted his head to the side, as if thinking about something. Law knew that he was thinking of her. Leaving Kid alone to browse through the sparkling rings, Law sat down on one of the sofas conveniently placed along one wall of the store.

"Are you looking for a ring?" The sales clerk asked with a smile as she approached Kid.

"Well, yeah..." There was a faint blush on Kid's cheeks as he nodded.

Soon, the two were engaged in an animated conversation. Law averted his eyes.

Ever since last week, he had thought long and hard about his relationship with Kid, but he still couldn't reach a satisfactory conclusion.

When he had finally confessed to Kid, the man had simply replied with a grin, "What's with that...? Hey! I'm not an idiot."

To Kid, Law's "love" for him was a platonic one. How would he have reacted, had he known that Law meant it in a romantic way?

Law could just imagine the disgust in Kid's eyes.

On one hand, Law was glad that he had chosen not to clarify himself. He didn't want Kid to hate him. On the other hand, Law also knew that should he choose to continue remaining silent, he would surely lose Kid.

How could he make a choice, when he knew that he wouldn't be able to live with either option?

Law looked up when he felt a hand on his head.

"You ok? Did the crowd just now bother you?" Kid asked, concern in his voice. Law shook his head.

"I'm fine...Have you decided?"

Kid grinned as he grabbed Law by the wrist and led him to the counter, where the sales clerk stood waiting with a tiny cushion in her hands. Law's eyes landed on the ring nestled in the hollow of the cushion.

"I need your hand."

Before he knew what was happening, Kid had grabbed the ring and slipped it onto the ring finger of his left hand.

His tattooed fingers were slender but angular, a man's hand. For a brief second, Law wondered if the ring would catch on his knuckle.

However, the ring slid snugly into place at the base of his finger. Law felt his eyes burn as his vision went white.

In that moment, Law wanted to throw himself into Kid's arms and shout his love for all the world to hear.

If only the ring had been meant for him. It wouldn't have mattered if Kid had bought him a cheap plastic one from a roadside stall. Law would have been just as happy.

"Yep...I've decided. I'll take this one."

"Alright. Is the size ok?"

"I'll take one that's a size smaller if you have it. My girl's fingers are slender like his, so a smaller size will be a better fit for her, right...?"

"Please wait a moment."

Kid was smiling beside him, but he felt so faraway. The distance between them seemed dark and wide.

Across the void, Kid was smiling. Law could not hear what he was saying, did not know why he was laughing.

His chest hurt. It was hard to breathe. He gripped the hem of his shirt in his fists.

The ring was taken from his finger. Law watched as it was placed into a tiny box and wrapped up in a small bag.

Watched as the bag was sealed up with a red ribbon with the words "For you" printed in gold lettering along its length.

Watched as Kid took the bag with a smile and handed over the money he had saved up from years of working odd jobs.

The ring had cost less than 100,000yen, but Kid had smiled, saying that it was "perfect" for her.

"This is just an engagement ring. I'll get her another one for the wedding, so this one's just perfect."

**XXXXXX**

The day had warmed up considerably by the time they left the store. The crowd was overwhelming, as more people were up and about.

"This way, Trafalgar," Kid directed as he started walking towards their next destination. When he realized that Law was not following, he turned around again. "Don't space out. Come, hold onto my shirt."

This time, Kid had not offered his hand.

Law knew that Kid wanted to keep his hands free, but he felt estranged from the redhead. What made it worse was the knowledge that if Kid had been with her, he would have taken her hand no matter what.

Right now, Law could only envy the small bag Kid held tightly in his hand as he shyly took hold of a small corner of Kid's shirt.

Sensing Law's hesitant gesture, Kid stopped walking and grabbed Law's wrist, pulling it away. Using his free hand, he fisted a good amount of his shirt and thrust it into Law's open palm. "Hold on properly," he reprimanded.

After making sure that Law had a good grip, Kid started walking again. This time, he slowed down his pace to match Law's. As they moved forward, he turned around occasionally, as if checking to make sure that Law was still there.

How easy things would be, if Kid did not care so much. If Law could just feel anger at how Kid was treating him like a child...

The noise of the city did not reach Law's ears, nor did he see the faces of the countless people passing by.

They descended a flight of stairs and entered the underground mall. It was as crowded there as the street above, so Law had no excuse to let go of Kid's shirt.

This was just how things had always been between them.

Every time they went out together, Kid would go out of his way to take care of Law. It always made Law feel a little victorious, as if he was somehow getting back at her.

Showing her that she was not the only person Kid cared about. That Kid cared about him too.

That was why he always took advantage of the situation, casually clinging on to Kid's arm, chatting about stuff as they walked on, teasing each other as they shopped or went somewhere for a meal, just like a real couple.

But things felt different today.

In the end, she had won. The fact that she was the most important person to Kid was painfully obvious.

For the first time, Law could not strike up a conversation. They continued walking in silence.

**XXXXXX**

"We're here, Trafalgar. This place is really good, you know?"

After some walking, Kid had stopped and turned around, flashing his usual smile at Law.

The restaurant Kid had led them to was a traditional Japanese eatery named "Wano Country". Seeing this, Law recalled how Kid had talked about having lunch at this small restaurant just last week.

The smell of cooked food wafted towards them, and Law's stomach growled. "...No, I've never been here before."

"Well, that's not surprising. You only leave the house when I invite you out. Anyway, you hungry? I highly recommend this place."

Saying this, Kid slid the door open. A chorus of welcoming voices greeted them, and they were immediately shown to a booth at the back of the eatery.

"Gimme two of the usual," Kid told the waiter once they were seated.

"Do you come here often?"

Kid nodded in reply to Law's query. "Well, I come here two to three times every month. The staff here know me since there aren't many people out there with my kind of hair, face and build. People always tell me that I'm an unforgettable guy..."

"I see..." Law murmured as he rested his chin in his hand.

The two started to talk. However, the tone of the conversation remained serious, dominated by topics like graduation and school. It was a vast change from their usual happy banter.

"Thank you for waiting~"

The food finally arrived, brought by a cheerful waiter with a warm voice. Kid had ordered set meals for them both, consisting of pork cutlet, miso soup, pickled vegetables and Law's favourite white rice, all beautifully arranged on a tray.

"Itadakimasu," Kid said as he happily dug into the food. On the other hand, Law was hesitant. While the food looked delicious, the items itself were nothing special.

Law hoped that the meal wouldn't be too expensive.

"...You not eating? It's really good. Or do you not like it? Sorry, I should have asked you before I ordered..." Kid apologized.

"No... That's alright... It's just that this meal looks really expensive..."

"What? That's what you're worried about?! It's OK, the meal is only 500yen," Kid reassured him.

"Really...?"

"Yeah. Just eat it."

At Kid's urging, Law murmured a soft "Itadakimasu" before having a taste.

"...It's delicious..."

"I know!" Kid's entire face lit up at Law's words.

In that moment, Law was happy. Kid was here, smiling at him. That was all Law needed.

"Trafalgar, don't just eat the rice. Try the pork too."

"Shut up, don't order me around."

"What? I'll take it if you don't want it."

"Hey, give it back!"

They were back to how they always were, teasing each other and having fun. Yes, this was all Law needed.

But he knew deep in his heart that it was not enough. It had never been enough.

Law had always known. Ever since Kid and her had gotten together, he had known.

Known that he could not stay loving Kid like this anymore. That he would have to let go someday.

Yet he had chosen to hide in these tiny "victorious" moments, telling himself that everything would be alright in the end.

Because he didn't think he could ever face the thought of losing Kid.

Law was pulled back to reality when he heard Kid let out a soft sigh.

"...This is great," the redhead admitted with a small smile.

"...What is?" Law asked, grip tightening on the chopsticks and bowl in his hands.

Kid cleared his throat awkwardly and set down his chopsticks. "Well, you've been all gloomy this past week, ever since I told you that I'm planning to get married. You don't even smile anymore, and you just felt so cold and distant today..."

Pain blossomed in Law's heart as Kid continued.

"I know I can be quite insensitive sometimes, so I was wondering if I had somehow offended you. But seeing you smile just now was such a relief. So don't just close yourself off like that anymore. You really had me worried."

Kid reached over and ruffled Law's hair. Law felt tears brimming in his eyes and hurriedly turned his head to the side, just in time to hide the single tear that slid down his cheek.

"...You're such an idiot," he whispered.

"But you said you love that about me, right?" Kid grinned. Law could feel himself crumbling inside.

He wanted to return the smile, but the desire in his heart was growing. Demanding for more of what he could never have. The pain was immense. Like he was submerged in the deep ocean, slowly drowning.

"Yes... Good that you know, idiot-stass-ya."

If only he understood the kind of "love" that Law was feeling.

But the "love" Kid had for him was not the same.

It could never be the same...

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**exorcist94**: Yep, here it is! This story will most likely be updated once a week, both here and at tumblr, so do keep a lookout!

**suheo1601**: Thank you for taking your time to reread it, and glad you like the story~

**Anon**: More will be coming! XD

**Skinn**: Yep, the original story has 8 parts as of now and it's still ongoing, so there's lots more to come!

**Itavita**: The original story is still currently being updated, so I'm not sure of the ending myself. （ｏ。ｏ；）But what I can promise you is that T.H.E.A.N.G.S.T.K.E.E.P.S.C.O.M.I.N.G!

**NebulaHeroine**: Glad to hear you love the translations! pixiv has so many gems, so I'm really happy to share them with everyone and spread the love! （*´▽｀*）


	3. Chapter 3

Hello!

Enjoy the new chapter! ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

They stayed in the eatery until the crowd outside had dispersed somewhat. With less people about, the two could now walk together side by side. Exiting the underground mall, they strolled leisurely along the street, checking out any shops that caught their interest.

Before they knew it, the sun had set. Law was suddenly aware of the freezing wind, which seemed to blow right through his warm coat, chilling his skin. Shivering, he wrapped his arms around himself.

"You cold...?"

"...A little," Law whispered a reply to Kid's question.

"Shall we head home then?"

'No,' Law wanted to say. 'Stay with me a little longer. I won't be seeing you tomorrow, so I want to be with you just a little more.'

Kid looked worriedly at Law, before turning and walking off in the direction of Law's home. Left with no choice, Law started to follow the man.

As they walked, the sky grew darker, and the buildings along the road started to light up.

"Erm... Trafalgar, I'm gonna buy some cigarettes from the convenience store back there."

They were walking along a tiny road when Kid suddenly voiced his request. It was the weekend of the monthly flea market, and the street was filled with youngsters sitting on vinyl groundsheets, goods for sale spread all around them. So saying, Kid dashed off towards the store, located some distance back the way they had come.

"Stay put, I'll be back soon," he called to Law over his shoulder.

Law was puzzled. There was another store just right ahead of them, so there was no reason for Kid to backtrack to that last store. Besides, Law had expected Kid to urge him to return home first, rather than wait out in the cold.

Law let out a sigh as he moved to the side of the road, where he leaned against the side of a building to wait for Kid. His breath came out in white puffs, a sign of the freezing temperature. Law jammed his fists into his pockets and looked up at the sky.

Left alone, unwelcome thoughts soon started to take over his mind. He felt like an abandoned puppy, standing unnoticed by the side of the road as people hurried by, waiting in vain for its owner to come. Soon, he would give up all hope and die alone, discarded and forsaken.

No, he was not a puppy, he was more like the little girl who sold matchsticks.

That was alright too, if it meant he could just light up a match and see his dreams come true.

In fact, he wouldn't mind dying if he was happy when it happened, if he could go with a smile, knowing that he had been truly happy once in his life.

He was rudely startled out of his thoughts by a sudden heat to his cheek.

"Wahh!" He cried as he jerked away.

"Sorry to make you wait." Kid grinned as he dangled a can of Law's favourite coffee in his face.

"Bastard..." Law muttered. Joy that Kid had gone to get coffee just for him filled his heart for a brief moment, but reality quicky set in when he remembered that Kid had wanted to get cigarettes for himself.

"So, what were you so deep in thought about?" Kid asked as he pulled the tab off his own can of coffee and downed its entire contents in one go.

Law opened his own can and took a sip. "That the little girl who sold matchsticks must have been really happy."

"What? You're so weird," Kid guffawed, clutching his stomach. Suddenly embarrassed, Law gave Kid a shove and walked away in a huff. However, he was glad inside that Kid had come back.

The two started strolling along the road again. Neither noticed how their pace slowed down a fraction with each step, as if reluctant to reach their destination.

In the silence, Law recalled something he had once heard during a lecture at college. "Desires cannot be stopped, they can only be sated. The more one tries to deny it, the easier it is to lose one's mind."

Law understood perfectly. He knew how painful it could get when one's unattainable desire was literally within reach. How the emotions just overflowed, and one could do nothing to stem the flood.

Finally, they reached the statue where they had met up this morning. Law never figured out what meaning the statue held, but it was still a precious spot that belonged to them both. Waving a goodbye to Kid, Law turned to leave.

"Trafalgar!"

Hearing Kid call his name, Law turned around to find a small packet thrust into his face. "Open it," Kid ordered.

Law frowned at the packet before taking it in his hands. Opening it, he upended the contents onto his palm.

"..."

There, lying on his palm, were two rings.

"Give them to me."

Kid took both rings from Law's hand and slid one onto the pinky finger of his own right hand. Grabbing Law's hand next, Kid then slid the second ring onto the other man's pinky finger.

"Not sure if you know, but the right pinky represents 'unchanging feelings'. I know the index finger represents 'friendship', but you're more than that to me, so I chose the pinky instead."

"Why...?" Law couldn't stop the tremble in his voice. The ring on his finger looked handmade and cheap.

"Well, you looked like you really wanted a ring when we were at the jeweler's this morning, so when I saw this on sale along the road back there, I decided to get it. It cost just 300yen, but I hope you like it. Take it as a gift for accompanying me today, and helping me with the ring selection."

Law didn't want to cry, but he couldn't stop the tears from spilling down his cheeks. Nor could he understand how it was possible to love someone so much.

"...You don't like it?" Kid, seeing Law's tears, asked hesitantly.

Throughout the years, Law had received many gifts from the other man. Birthday gifts were a staple, but Kid also liked to buy small random things for him for no discernible reason.

Soft toys Kid had won for him at the local arcade game centre, weird mobile straps which Law would never be caught dead using. All of them had served to cement Law's feelings for the redhead.

The can of coffee today was no exception. Each item had become Law's treasure. Things which he could physically keep were carefully stored away, while the others were fondly remembered.

And now, with this gift, the need to confess his feelings made Law want to burst.

"I...really do... Thank you."

"That's great," Kid blushed as he smiled with relief. This time, Law had no problems returning the smile.

With that, they said their goodbyes. Law stood and watched until Kid disappeared into the crowd, before his legs finally gave way and he sat heavily onto the ground.

The ring glittered on his finger as he let the tears fall.

'Unchanging feelings.'

Did that mean that Kid's feelings of friendship towards Law would never change?

But no. Law was not a friend. He was "more than that".

"...Eustass-ya..."

Law closed his eyes as Kid's smile came to mind. The plastic ring sat quietly on his finger, made all the more conspicuous by the tattoos adorning his fingers and the back of his hand.

"...Eustass...-ya..."

No matter how he called, Kid would not come back.

If only he could light a match and conjure an illusion, he would wish for Kid's warm embrace. It would be hard when he knew he was alone, but just the thought of it was enough for now.

"...I...love you..."

Would these words reach Kid someday?

Would Kid then accept his feelings and return them?

Would such a miraculous day ever come...?

Law's second confession dissipated in the freezing night air, unheard.

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**YOO**: *hugs* o(╥﹏╥)o

**Tokyosketch**: Thank you! I hope this story will help you like Kid/Law just a little more~

**viv-heart**: I knowwwwww, unrequited love is the worst... （ ＴДＴ）

**darkimpulse**: Yeah, I feel translating fics is much tougher than translating doujin. But do keep writing! Would love to read more from you! (I absolutely love "snowy mountain" please tell me there's more coming lol! )

**suheo1601**: Yeah, the whole situation is just so bittersweet.

**Tadoay**: The story's still ongoing, so I don't know the ending too. But let's pray hard for a happy one!

**TinkotheWolf**: I'll pass on the message. And well, Kid is not as oblivious as he seems to be. ;)

**NebulaHeroine**: Thank you for taking the time to comment! (´▽`ʃƪ) This chapter's got a tiny bit of happiness, hope you like it!


	4. Chapter 4

Hi all!

For those who want to check out the original story on pixiv (link: pixiv,net/novel/show,php?id=3295962 - replace commas with fullstops)

On to the next chapter!

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC. Suicidal thoughts.

* * *

_If I had forced him to choose between us right from the start, I'm sure I would have had him._

_But right now, he will be torn over the issue, and finally choose the both of us._

_He won't want to choose, won't want either of us to be sad._

_And so, he will accept us both._

_And he would be right, with that straightforward kind of thinking._

_On the other hand, my thoughts are always so childish and selfish._

_We're not children anymore. We can't demand something and expect to get it._

_Now, we need to fight for our desires._

_I know what I should do, but I can't do it, because of those straightforward feelings of his._

_His love for her, his enjoyment with me, his trust in us both._

_Will I really be happy if I destroy it all?_

_No matter how hard I search, I can never find the answer._

**XXXXXX**

Today was her birthday.

It was the end of January, and the days had gotten colder as winter progressed.

With graduation approaching, Kid and Law seldom had time to meet up, both working hard to finish up their respective courses.

It was right in the midst of those busy days when Law's mobile suddenly rang, making him jump.

Gently pulling the vibrating phone out of his pocket, Law glanced down at the screen, mindful not to disturb the lecture going on about him.

It was him.

It felt like months since Law had last heard from Kid. In reality, it had been only a week, but it felt like an eternity to Law.

Law's features softened as he opened the message, but a frown soon furrowed his brow.

"You coming for my girl's birthday, right?"

The short, blunt message was accompanied by a ridiculous emoticon.

Law had been busy these days, so he had totally forgotten about this annual event.

When Kid had gotten attached 4 years ago, each of their birthday celebrations had become a 3-person affair, and Kid made sure that everyone remembered each others' special day.

Initially, Law had protested. They were lovers, shouldn't they be celebrating without him tagging along?

Despite that, both Kid and she had remained adamant, insisting that Law join them every time.

In the end, Law had been an unwilling participant at each celebration, though he did his best every chance he got to get back at her.

He would cling to Kid whenever he could, trying to make her jealous; taking every opportunity to quietly drive them apart.

However, it never worked. In fact, it irked him to watch them act so lovingly towards one another.

Law sighed. It seemed like this year would be no different. He sent back a short affirmative reply before slipping the phone back into his pocket.

**XXXXXX**

A merry chime rang out when he pressed the doorbell, and when Kid opened the door, the smell of food wafted out into the corridor.

"Yo, long time no see. Come in"

Seeing that familiar face once again made Law's heart thunder in his chest.

A warmth stung his cheeks and quickly spread up to his ears.

He chided himself for behaving like a lovestruck fool.

It had only been a week since they last met, why was he reacting like this?

Why did he feel such joy?

Law sat down at the entrance to take off his boots. He couldn't help noticing the extra pair of heels, neatly placed at the side of the door.

Sliding open the screen to the living room, Law spotted her. It had been months since their last meeting.

She was leaning casually against the sofa. Seeing Law, her face broke out into its usual gentle smile.

"Hello, Law-kun. It's been a while"

"Yes. Happy birthday"

"Fufu. Thank you"

Law sank into one of the large cushions scattered around the room.

Kid had retreated to the kitchen to continue cooking. Law glanced at the table, which was already filled with various steaming dishes.

"Eustass-ya is really a great cook," he commented.

Kid had always been proud of his culinary skills, boasting to anyone who would listen to him when they were back in high school. Law smiled at the memory.

As the years passed, Kid had honed his skills, creating more delicious dishes.

At that time, many were sure that if he had become a chef, he would have been a huge success.

However, Kid ignored everyone's urging, determined to take over his father's company instead.

Law knew that Kid had his own reasons for doing so, and that his strong candid feelings helped to drive him on.

It was just another thing Law loved about the man.

**XXXXXX**

"Cheers"

They were gathered at the table, each holding a glass of wine, ready to celebrate the occasion for which they had gathered.

"Happy birthday"

The two men spoke their congratulations together, and she blushed with a shy smile.

Law took a sip of the wine, which burned its way down his throat. The bittersweet taste was nothing new to Law.

"Don't just drink, eat up," Kid picked up a piece of meat with his chopsticks and waved it in Law's face.

Like the alcohol, this action was nothing new.

"Alright, open up"

Closing his eyes, Law parted his trembling lips. He felt Kid push the soft piece of meat into his mouth.

Law opened his eyes as Kid withdrew his chopsticks. He chewed delicately on the meat before licking his lips.

"So?"

"It's delicious..."

"I know! Here, I made lots, so eat your fill," Kid smiled.

With that, the redhead began to pile food onto Law's plate, fussing over him and watching Law's reaction to each bite. It was as if they were celebrating Law's birthday instead.

It was just how Kid was. The attention he paid to ensure Law's comfort and well-being had never changed.

Did he feel embarrassed doing it? Did he even notice that others were often staring at him, judging his actions?

Law had always wanted to ask, but he never did.

Because if he kept silent, he could pretend that he was the only one in Kid's heart, that everything Kid did was to make him happy.

He would gladly drown in the feelings of control and supremacy these moments offered him...

**XXXXXX**

"Kid and Law-kun are such close friends." She was smiling, but Law noticed the gleam of jealousy in her eyes. "Fufu, I'm so envious"

Kid let out a sigh as he reached out a hand to stroke her hair.

"Idiot, why are you jealous over a man? Right, Trafalgar?"

'No, Kid. You're the idiot.' Law wanted to shout. 'You don't understand. Oblivious to the turmoil in my heart as you smile and laugh'

Instead, he cast his gaze downwards and settled for a weak nod, knowing that those words would never spoken aloud.

Maybe he should just end it all right now. Loop a noose around his neck and strangle himself. Because he could not imagine himself living on like this, where every breath he took was laced with pain. But how could he ever fall in love with anyone else? How could he ever live without Kid?

Law forced himself to look up, shaking his head to dispel those morbid thoughts.

No, he had to smile. He had to congratulate her.

Repeating these words in his mind like a mantra, Law gave her a small smile.

"Oh, right... Here you go..." Acting like he had just remembered something, Law reached over to grab his coat and pulled out a small packet from the front pocket, which he passed to her. "A present for you"

"Oh... Thank you" With beautifully manicured hands, she gently unwrapped the gift to reveal a pair of tiny jewelled earrings, shaped like snowflakes.

"Oh, they're adorable"

"I'm glad you like them," Law whispered as he glanced over at Kid.

"Thank you, Trafalgar"

"Why are you the one thanking me?"

The room filled with laughter as they continued their meal, enjoying each other's company.

It was the same thing each year. Law would force himself to buy a gift which he didn't want to give. Force himself to hand the present to her with a smile, when he would much rather chuck it into the nearest trashbin.

But it was the least he could do. And if it meant that he could see Kid smile, he would do it without a second thought.

"Alright...It's my turn now"

Kid stood up from the table and drew a small box out of his pocket. Law immediately recognized it to be the one that contained the engagement ring which he had helped select.

"I know this isn't much. I swear I'll buy you a nicer one next time... Will you accept this?"

She tearfully took the box from Kid's hands. "Why...? It must have cost so much..."

"Actually, it's not that expensive. Sorry"

"Don't say that...!" She cried as she threw her arms around Kid.

Law could only watch as Kid then took the ring from the box and slipped it onto her finger, just like how he had done with Law that day at the jeweler's.

Her ring sparkled beautifully as it caught the light, shining with a radiance that the tiny ring sitting on Law's finger could never do.

Law felt himself being crushed by reality again.

He could pretend all he wanted, but he could never take her place.

Yes, the ring on Kid's finger matched his own, and it made him feel special, but the only one on Kid's mind had always been her.

She was Kid's lover. He was only his best friend.

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**Tadoay**: Yes, let's pray! (／。＼)

**jell-o**: Yep, it's a Japanese fic. And no worries, it was a pleasure to translate! Look forward to the rest of the story~~ (/^▽^)/

**Racelett**: Please don't cry! *hugs* Kid will find out one day, and we just have to wait and see how he reacts!

**Anon**: I know! Unrequited love is the most painful thing ever. :(

**Itavita**: Thank you for always sending in a review! Let's hope this ends well though!

**Curious**: Check out the top of this page (hope the link turns out fine!) (* ω)

**viv-heart**: Yeah, they do focus lots more on feelings than action or speech, but the NSFW ones can get reeeeally descriptive and graphic too. (๑ᴗ๑) And yeah, the scene with the rings was so sweet, but it's just making things worse in the end for Law... ・゜・(ノД`)

**suheo1601**: Let's give Law a hug! （ ＴДＴ）


	5. Chapter 5

Helloooooo!

Here's the new chapter! Get ready for angst! o(╥﹏╥)o

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

The hands on the clock were creeping towards 10p.m. Kid was out cold on the floor, snoring away.

The three of them usually stayed over at Kid's place after each birthday celebration, and Kid was always the first to fall asleep.

Law was not surprised. Kid might not have shown it, but he was probably nervous the whole day, worried about what she would think of his gift.

Watching Kid's peaceful sleeping face, Law swallowed the lump in his throat.

Now, it was only him and her.

The ticking of the clock seemed impossibly loud.

He thought of going home. With Kid asleep, there was no reason for him to stick around.

Besides, the awkward tension in the room threatened to overwhelm him.

His place was just some distance away, he could easily make his way home on foot. And after drinking so much alcohol, the night air would surely help to clear his head. Yes, it would be best if he left now.

Having made up his mind, Law started to reach for his belongings.

"Law-kun, are you going home?"

"Yes, Kid's already asleep, and I don't want to disturb you two."

Law made to stand up, but he was stopped by her hand gripping his shirt.

"Please wait!... There's something I've been meaning to ask you..."

"...What is it?"

She opened her mouth and closed it again, hesitant. Finally, after much deliberation, she spoke.

"Law-kun, do you like Kid...?"

Law suppressed a shiver.

"...Yes. He's my best friend," he whispered with a weak smile.

The tightness in his chest made him want to throw up. A ringing had started up in his ears, and he felt dizzy on his feet.

She did not let go.

"No," she whispered. "That's not what I meant... You really like him, don't you?! You love Kid... In the romantic sense..."

The soft, frail tone of her voice hurt his ears.

So she had known.

As his girlfriend, she must have noticed and understood the intention behind Law's nasty, childish actions.

What was she going to do? Was she going to leave Kid?

His emotions surged to the surface, making him voice the question he had always wanted to ask, "...What if Kid is bisexual? What will you do?"

It was a far-fetched hope, but one that Law desperately clung to.

Whatever reaction he had expected from her, it was not the one he now received.

"It doesn't matter, because I will be his number one. I don't care if other men or women look at him, because I believe that I'm the only one he sees"

Their eyes met.

In that moment, Law could see the likeness between Kid and her. Both of them were guided by their straightforward feelings, and acted on those convictions without hesitation.

They both chose to believe.

Kid might look unapproachable, but he could be so kind. On the other hand, she appeared harmless and gentle, yet her docile facade hid a truly sharp and observant mind.

Law could not speak. Next to them, his own weakness stood out all the more starkly.

He clenched his fist, pressing the ring on his finger against his right palm. It had shone so brightly the day Kid had slipped it onto his finger, but that brilliance had all but disappeared.

It might be just a toy, but it was his treasure. He had found himself staring at it more and more each day, twirling it around his finger at every chance he got. The sight and touch of it brought him satisfaction, joy, sorrow and pain.

Even so, he treasured it with all his heart.

"That ring. Kid has a matching one, right?"

Her gaze had shifted to the ring on his finger. Her shoulders had begun to tremble.

He still could not bring himself to speak, so she persisted, as if chasing him down.

"It doesn't matter to me, but please don't be mistaken. Kid's lover is not you, Law-kun. Kid is mine... And I'll never let anyone take him away from me"

Law's unspoken emotions crashed to the bottom of his heart. Emotions he had desperately kept hidden for the past 4 years, slowly eating away at his mind. Emotions he never had the courage to voice, too afraid and weak to withstand a possible rejection.

He had nobody to blame for his misery but himself. Now, he had to escape before he broke down at her feet.

"...Alright. I'll never come near Eustass-ya again. Will that do?"

"No, that's not what I...!"

The shrillness in her voice woke Kid, as he turned onto his back and opened his eyes.

With her distracted, Law turned on his heel, quickly pulled on his boots and slipped out the door.

**XXXXXX**

It was dark, and the cold wintry air caressed his skin as he ran in the direction of home.

Her words echoed relentlessly in his ears.

His mind was a blank, he could not think. The only thing he could do right now was to place one foot in front of the other, mindlessly running away from emotions he could not name.

Law did not know anything anymore. He was only subtly aware of something breaking deep inside of him.

"Trafalgar!"

A hand suddenly grabbed him arm, forcing him to a stop. Recognizing the voice yeling his name, Law tried to jerk away.

Why had Kid come after him?

Had she told him?

Law continued to struggle, trying to pull his arm away.

"Wait! What's wrong with you?!"

"Let me go...!"

Law spun around and lifted his free arm to strike Kid. However, the other man had anticipated this, and grabbed Law's wrist before he could swing out.

Kid's grip was strong and painful, and Law knew that the redhead did not intend to let him go anytime soon.

"How dare you leave a woman alone at home at this time!" He lashed out at Kid in frustration.

"Calm down! It's not safe for you to walk home alone either!"

Kid's grip on his arm tightened even further. Law felt his eyes blur with tears.

He didn't want to cry. Tears were a display of weakness. He claimed he loved Kid, and yet here he was, running away like a coward.

But would it always be like this? Would he ever get anywhere? Or would he be alone for the rest of his life?

Law bit his lip and tried to twist away from Kid's hold, this time successfully freeing his right arm.

"Don't treat me like a woman!"

Kid had always been so kind to him, yet he knew that their relationship would never progress beyond friendship. He knew he would never get what he truly wanted. But even that knowledge could not erase the kind of love he possessed for the other man...

"Calm down, Trafa...!"

With his free hand, Law grabbed onto Kid's shirt, pulling the redhead down and sealing their lips together.

He didn't want to hear Kid's gentle coaxing voice anymore.

He knew that if he wanted even a chance at making Kid his, he had to make this leap of faith.

But Kid's lips upon his were cold from the night air, unmoving as Law held the kiss. The lack of response froze Law's heart.

Slowly, he let go of Kid, pulling away from the kiss.

"...No matter what I do...I can never be Eustass-ya's number one..." he whispered as he lowered his head.

Kid remained unmoving, dazed by the sudden turn of events. Wordlessly, Law started to walk away.

This time, Kid did not come after him.

_'Kid is mine'_

Her words chose that moment to surface in his mind.

_'I'll never let anyone take him away from me'_

He could not think.

Holding back his tears, he walked on home, footsteps echoing in the silent night.

From that day on, Kid ceased all contact with Law.

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**darkimpulse**: Can't blame Kid, Law has always been good at hiding his emotions and pretending that everything is fine when it's not. ( p′︵‵。)

**Itavita**: Please do! He needs it!

**viv-heart**: I can't either, and it's so heartbreaking! (┳Д┳) But I'm glad you enjoy the story. I was a little worried at first since it's so different from the normal style of Western fanfics, but seems like people do enjoy this style too. The original author is really glad to hear that. ;)

**mugilamb**: Thank you! I just feel so proud whenever someone says they start to appreciate KidLaw because of my translations! ＼(^▽^＠)ノ *hugs you*

**NebulaHeroine**: Thank you for taking the time to review! It means alot to the original author and I~ Yeah, the angst just doesn't let up, even with the upcoming future chapters, so get your heart ready!


	6. Chapter 6

Konnichiwa!

If you thought the previous chapter was bad, I have no words to describe this one. Being truly honest here, I cannot adequately prepare everyone for this chapter, so hold on tight! The angst tsunami is cominggggggg! .·´¯`(ᗒᗣᗕ)´¯`·.

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

_I remember how he had always told me about his dreams._

_"I want to take over my dad's business."_

_That is his dream, but it isn't the only one._

_"I want to be a good dad, so that my child will want to take over the family business and be just like me."_

_It is a dream that I can never make come true._

_Every time he told me about it, I just smiled._

_I can't fulfill any of his dreams._

_Even so, I want to stay by his side._

_I can't bring myself to wish happiness for the two of them._

_These miserable desires continue to eat at my mind._

_I know I am disgusting._

_But I can't help it. I still love him._

**XXXXXX**

The days without any contact with Kid crawled by, and soon, it was February.

Graduation was just a month away.

As Kid and Law were studying at different faculties, they usually never bumped into each other on campus. Thus, it wasn't unusual that neither of them saw the other in school now.

Law understood this. He knew that as long as he didn't go searching for the other man, it would be almost impossible for them to meet. And after that day, he stopped looking for Kid.

It was tough in the beginning, and Law would find himself hoping to catch a glimpse of that fiery red hair. Old habits die hard.

"If pushing doesn't work, try pulling."

This piece of advice, spoken by someone long ago, seemed to fit Law's current situation perfectly.

_'If I refrain from contacting him, he will surely start to think of me sooner or later.'_

Left with no other choice, Law clung to this last hope.

The kiss they shared that day was so different from what Law had always imagined their first kiss to be like.

In his mind, Kid's touch was gentle as he held Law's hand, caressed his back, stroked his hair.

These were not unusual. Kid often touched Law in this manner, but in his dreams, those touches promised more. Kid would go further. He would kiss Law on the lips and embrace him. Kid would expose his body, meet him in the flesh, share his passion.

Those dreams had kept Law going all this time, but in the end, they were just dreams.

Reality was cruel.

Law had never imagined that he would take their first kiss by force. Unlike his dreams, Kid had not held him in his arms, had not whispered joy in his ear. Instead, his lips had been cold and unmoving.

Had he pulled away? Did he despise the kiss?

Law could not remember, nor did he care. The only thing that mattered was that Kid now knew of his feelings.

And now, Law only had to wait.

True enough, Kid contacted him a few days later. Over the next few days, Law received short messages stating "we need to talk", none of which he replied. Whenever Kid managed to spot him in school, Law did his best to escape.

_'If I keep this up, he will keep trying to contact me. This way, I'll always be on his mind.'_

Ignoring Kid hurt, but Law knew that he had to persevere. He had to have Kid, and he was willing to try anything.

**XXXXXX**

_'Clank!'_

Grabbing the can of coffee from the vending machine dispenser, Law pulled open the tab and took a sip. Unlike the winter air, the coffee was scalding hot.

It had been two weeks since Kid's last attempt to contact him.

Since then, his mobile phone had lain silent in his pocket. It was nothing new. Law had always been reserved about sharing his number with others, keeping his social activities to a preferred minimum. Aside from Kid, only the manager at his part-time job, some schoolmates, and a handful of other friends had Law's number.

His plan had fallen through. Kid still remained as unreachable as ever.

Law drew the phone out of his pocket and started to scroll through his limited contacts. His fingers stilled when a familiar name popped up on the screen.

The name of his high school teacher. It had been some time since they last saw each other, but Law distinctly remembered how the other had always been there for him whenever he needed advice.

"...Smoker..."

Law pressed the call button.

After a few rings, the familiar deep voice sounded in his ear.

"...It's been a while. How have you been?"

"I'm fine... How about you?"

"...Still the same."

"...I see. Mr. Smoker... Can we meet up for a few drinks? There are some things I'd like to talk about," Law voiced his request as he took another sip of his coffee, feeling the warmth spread throughout his body.

He looked up at the darkening sky overhead. The weather forecast on the news this morning had warned of snow.

He didn't want to be alone tonight.

He wanted to drown himself in alcohol, numb his senses and forget the pain.

"Yes. How about 9 tonight? Yes... Yes... Alright. See you later..."

Law ended the call. He could already feel his mood lifting slightly, as he pulled the muffler around his neck up to cover his mouth. As it was already late in the afternoon, Law decided to head home first to freshen up before his meeting with Smoker.

_'If only this can help me to forget Kid...'_

But Law knew that it would never work. He smiled bitterly at his own foolishness. Slipping the phone back into his pocket, he turned, ready to head on home.

Only to come face-to-face with a familiar figure. With his heart in his throat, Law looked up to see Kid's scowling face.

The intensity of Kid's gaze forced Law to take a step back, then another. He averted his eyes and turned to leave. But Kid had already stepped forward, closing up the distance between them once more.

"Don't run away."

Law gulped at the sound of Kid's command.

"...I'm sorry. I'm busy today. Maybe next...!"

Kid's hand suddenly reached out and grabbed the front of Law's shirt.

"...Eustass-ya, we're still on campus. Please don't do anything stupid," Law hissed.

Kid slowly let go of Law's shirt, only to grasp his upper arm in a firm grip before heading out the school gates.

Law could do nothing but be dragged along.

**XXXXXX**

Kid opened the door to reveal the room Law had so hurriedly left the other day.

They were back at Kid's apartment. A place that Law did not wish to remember, a place he was not yet ready to revisit.

The tension in the air was thick as they stood at the entrance of the apartment, still in their boots. Kid stood before Law, his back to the other man. Law's arm remained trapped in Kid's tight grip.

Law wanted to embrace the redhead.

_'If only I can wrap my arms around him and never let go'_

But he knew that now was not the time for that.

The minutes passed, neither of them breaking the silence. Then, just as Law was about to voice out an excuse to leave, Kid spoke, and the words died in Law's throat.

"...What should I do...?"

Kid was trembling.

"What should I do...? I thought... we were friends..."

The grip on his upper arm tightened even further, Kid's nails slowly digging into his skin through the fabric of his coat.

"...You're hurting me..." Law whispered.

Kid slowly let go, his arm dropping back to his side. Law could hear the other man taking deep breaths, and knew that the redhead was doing his best to get his emotions under control.

Abruptly, Kid turned around, his crimson eyes boring into Law's. He took a step forward, forcing Law back against the door. The fragrance of his cologne stung Law's nose.

Unable to meet his gaze, Law looked down, fighting to slow his racing heartbeat. The door felt cold behind his back.

Kid lifted an arm to brace himself against the door as he leaned towards Law.

"...Can we go back?"

Law understood what Kid wanted, but he also knew it was an impossible request.

"...I don't want... to pretend to be just friends... anymore..."

Kid's hand tightened into a fist as he slammed it against the door in frustration. Law flinched.

"...Why?... Why, Trafalgar...?!"

"...I'm sorry. I don't want to go back."

His secret was out. He could not go back even if he wanted to.

"I understand if you never want to see me again... I need to go... Goodbye."

Law turned around, hand reaching out for the doorknob. However, Kid moved to place his other hand against the door, effectively trapping Law and preventing his escape.

Law fixed his gaze upon the door, refusing to turn around to face Kid again. He could feel Kid's eyes boring painfully into his back.

His gaze shifted to Kid's right hand, falling upon the matching ring on the redhead's little finger.

"...I want to see you... But this is wrong... I don't know. I've thought so much about it, but I..."

Law's eyes narrowed. Did that mean that he was on Kid's mind for the past two weeks?

Joy and hope flared up faintly in Law's heart.

"...I'm sorry, but I can't bring myself to wish happiness for you and her. I've made my choice, Eustass-ya. You have to make yours."

Kid remained silent for a long while. His next words sounded weak, as if they were being squeezed out of him.

"...I'm sorry."

Law closed his eyes.

"I want... to make her happy..."

"I know."

"But I don't want to lose you..."

"I know."

Their unspoken desires were laced with awkwardness and pain, along with fear of what lay ahead.

"Friendship" and "love".

For Kid, it was pain caused by the desire to have both.

For Law, it was a wall he had to tear down.

"...Eustass-ya."

Law turned around to face Kid once more. Lifting up a hand, he trailed it along Kid's arm, before reaching up to caress the redhead's face.

"Don't..."

Kid moved his right hand to cover Law's eyes, as if unable to meet his gaze. The ring on his little finger rested lightly against Law's cheek.

"...I love you... Eustass-ya... I love you... I should be the one asking... What should I do...?"

Law's hand moved down to Kid's chest. He could feel the warmth of Kid's body through his shirt, yet he knew that he would never be allowed to touch any further.

This was as far as he could go, but it was not enough. He couldn't erase his feelings, his desire to touch, his need to know Kid on the deepest level.

_'If only you can say you love me too.'_

"I'm sorry..."

Kid whispered as he leaned forward, resting his forehead against Law's.

"...I'm sorry."

Law shut his eyes, not wanting to understand the meaning behind Kid's apologies.

"I'm sorry."

He felt Kid pull his muffler gently up around the lower part of his face, before the light press of Kid's lips against his own in a chaste kiss through the thin material.

"I can't... betray her..."

With that, Kid let him go. When Law returned to his senses, he found himself back on the dark streets, his legs mindlessly carrying him in the direction of home.

Their second kiss was gentle, but felt like an unbreakable seal marking the end of their relationship.

It hurt, but he knew that he had hurt Kid too.

But yes, this was really the end.

With numb fingers, Law unwrapped the muffler from around his neck and tossed it into the nearest trashbin.

"Goodbye, Eustass-ya..."

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**robotsftw232**: I knowwww ( ≧Д≦)

**viv-heart**: I'm glad you're enjoying the pain, I mean the fic. Yeah, the angst doesn't stop, so get ready for more!

**Tadoay**: Yes, they shall, hope you enjoyed this chapter as well~

**Laptop Newbie**: Yeah, the plot of the story may be a little cliched, but it just somehow works. And I agree, I'm glad the girlfriend isn't portrayed as some bitchy person, but a kind and intelligent girl. We want our boys to end up together, but you just can't blame her for her thoughts and actions. And thank you so so much for the really long message, it gives me lots of motivation to translate! (｡'▽'｡)

**Angelmon**: But he's definitely not going down without a fight! Look forward to see how the story develops~~

**Anon**: It's ok to cry! *hugs* (Ɔ╯︵╰)(╯︵╰C)

**darkimpulse**: ikr. (✖╭╮✖)

**Itavita**: Yes, Law will continue to fight. Let's cheer him on and hope for his happiness! （ ＴДＴ）

**suheo1601**: Of all the chapters I've read thus far, it's all in Law's POV. Maybe in a later chapter the author may write things from Kid's side?

**NebulaHeroine**: *hugs your heart* Nooooooo, things will not get brighter! Hold on tight and prepare yourself for the angst!

**Skinn**: Yep, I'm really excited to find out the ending for the story too (the original fic is still being updated so I don't know the ending too!)

**Tokyosketch**: It's ok, let the tears flow. .·´¯`(▂)´¯`·.

**YOOO**: While I feel sad that Kid is attached, I can't really hate the girlfriend, especially when she had every right to claim Kid as hers. But that just makes it all the more painful (´；Д；｀)

**Puroppu**: Glad you love the fic! Will send all these comments to the author! Look forward to more angst!

**AMBher**: Here's the next chapter! *hands you tons of tissues*

**KlawxXx**: Yeah, nobody is going to be happy with this turn of events, and we'll just have to see how they each handle the situation from here on out. But I agree, their friendship is truly bittersweet. Life really isn't easy for our boys (T⌓T)


	7. Chapter 7

Aaaaaaand the story gets more complicated...

Enjoy!

**Chapter warning:** Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

Law flipped his phone open to check the time, and saw that it was way past 7pm. He no longer had the time to make the trip home.

Unsure of where to go, he wandered the streets aimlessly and soon found himself in front of the train station. Turning towards the brightly-lit city street, he caught a glimpse of his own reflection in the display window of one of the shops.

No, he couldn't meet Smoker while looking like this. But in spite of his melancholy, Law knew better than to cancel the meeting. Smoker would immediately sense that something was wrong if he did.

Making his way towards a bench near their meeting place, Law sat down heavily with a sigh.

The noise from the bustling city surrounded him as he watched the people passing by. It seemed as if everyone except him was smiling. There were people talking on their mobile phones, friends and lovers chatting happily as they walked by, businessmen hurrying past, adjusting the ties on their worn-looking suits. Some women whispered to their companions excitedly when they caught sight of him, while others cast him suspicious looks.

None of it mattered to Law.

Watching the crowds emerging out of and disappearing back into the darkness soon gave him a headache. He closed his eyes, only to have the image of that person appear in his mind. He opened his eyes again in despair.

That person, with his flaming scarlet hair, would never come for him.

Law ran a hand through his hair angrily. Hadn't he decided not to regret this? Hadn't he convinced himself that he would be better off without Kid?

Biting down on his lower lip, he forced the tears back. He would not cry again.

**XXXXXX**

Law didn't know how much time had passed, when the sudden vibration of the phone in his pocket jolted him back to reality. Drawing the phone out hastily, he pushed the 'answer' button.

"...Look up."

Law glanced up to see his former teacher, just as the familiar scent of tobacco drifted around him.

"...Smoker..."

"It's been a while, Law... What's with that look?"

"Heheh, it's nothing."

Law stood up, did a little stretch, and began leading the way. After a few minutes of walking, they reached a small eatery, and were soon seated along the counter.

"2 beers, please... I hope you don't mind, sir."

"It's alright. And stop calling me "sir"... You're not my student anymore, though you'll always be a brat to me..."

"That's mean," Law gave a small smile. Just then, Smoker turned to face Law, and reached out to ruffle his hair.

"What are you doing...?"

"The brat's looking gloomy tonight."

"Are you trying to comfort me?"

"...Yes."

Except for his new close-cropped haircut and all-back style, Smoker was just as Law had remembered him. The memories and nostalgia of high school came flooding back, and Law soon found himself slowly relaxing in the presence of the other man.

The beers arrived, and they did a toast. Law downed the mug's contents in one go, hoping to suppress all the negative emotions and just concentrate on enjoying himself.

They soon started chatting, their conversation moving from recent events to work, school and life in general. The time passed quickly, aided by the constant flow of alcohol.

Eventually, the topic of Kid came up.

It was nothing new to Smoker. In fact, when a confused and frustrated Law had first approached him all those years ago, he was the one who had suggested that the young student might be in love with Kid.

Since then, Law had slowly opened up to Smoker, often seeking him out for advice. As such, it wasn't difficult for Law to broach the topic now.

"...He's rejected me," Law whispered, clutching the beer mug in his hands. He'd forgotten the number of mugs he'd had so far, only that it had been too many.

Smoker turned to look at Law, "...so you've told him?"

"Yes. He said... that he's sorry."

"I see..." Smoker replied, exhaling and watching the cigar smoke slowly drift up to the ceiling.

Law's head was pounding, and he felt like puking as he leaned down to rest his head in his arms. He just wanted to forget.

Smoker patted Law gently on the back, silently comforting him as he continued to smoke.

**XXXXXX**

It was 11pm. The number of customers in the eatery had slowly dwindled as the evening passed, and soon, Smoker suggested that they leave as well.

Law shivered as he stepped outside and was immediately buffeted by the freezing wind. He instinctively reached up to wrap his muffler tighter around his neck.

_'Where...'_

His hand stilled.

_'Oh... That's right. I'd thrown it away.'_

"...Shall I send you home?" Smoker offered.

"I'm not a child. I can get home by myself."

"You're not walking straight."

"Shut up... Stop following me."

The bustling city had fallen silent, and most of the stores along the street were dark. Only the decorative illuminations in some of the shops served to light the way.

"Law."

He ignored the voice calling his name, walking on and doing his best to overcome the slight wobble in his step.

"Oi, Law."

"I said, stop following me..."

The footsteps behind him did not stop.

"Do you want to forget him?"

Law halted. After a long pause, he shook his head slowly.

Yes, he wanted to forget Kid, but he knew that he'd never be able to do so. It would be impossible to forget someone so easily, especially when he truly loved that person with all his heart...

"Law."

He felt Smoker's warm hand land on his shoulder, before gently turning him around. The tears that had been gathering in his eyes finally spilled over.

He felt totally wretched.

He hated himself for being useless, unable to win the affections of the one he loved most. For being so needy and selfish, choosing to unload his problems onto others.

He was just a childish, miserable, weak fool, leeching off of others' kindness.

No, this was all a mistake. He shouldn't have contacted Smoker and asked for his company, when the only one on his mind was Kid. When the only name that kept resounding in his mind was the redhead's.

He never wanted to stop reaching, never wanted to stop dreaming.

White snow started to fall from the dark, silent sky.

"...Does it hurt?"

With the pad of his thumb, Smoker gently wiped the tears from his face.

"...Do you still love him?"

Fresh tears streaked down his cheeks, a wordless answer.

Smoker pulled Law into his arms, and he leaned heavily against the older man, muffling his sobs in his chest.

He could no longer go back. He wouldn't be able to speak to Kid again, to laugh with him. There was nothing left for him in their broken friendship.

How was he going to survive from now on? What was he going to live for? He knew he needed to move on, but he didn't know where to go.

It should have been enough. Seeing Kid smile, holding his hand, being by his side... It should have been more than enough.

But human desire would always crave for more, bringing about destruction through its greed. It was an endless cycle, running through today, tomorrow, and forever into the future. The world would be smeared with desire, drowning in itself, destroying and craving more. Only a lucky few could ever escape and achieve happiness.

"Will... I ever be happy?"

His voice sounded so weak to his ears.

"...Kid..."

He could no longer stop himself from calling out that forbidden name.

"...Law. Listen to me. There is happiness, and I know you'll find it. In fact, there are many things, large and small, that can make you happy. Simple things like having a good meal, or chatting with a friend, or being alive. These can all bring happiness. You don't need to rely on a single person for that."

Smoker's words echoed in his heart. It was just like what a teacher would say. Law's lips formed a weak smile.

"You'll be alright. So, don't cry."

Smoker tilted Law's face upward. The falling snow landed on his cheeks.

"Law. Trust me..."

Smoker's warm hand gently caressed his face, wiping away the melted snow. Law felt something breaking inside of him.

_'...Kid...'_

Law closed his eyes as Smoker's lips descended upon his own.

_'Goodbye, Eustass-ya. I will always love you.'_

A final tear made its way down Law's cheek.

"...Smoker..."

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**viv-heart**: Yesss, it's all gonna get reeeeally complicated from now on. Hold on tight! ＼（Ｔ∇Ｔ）／

**darkimpulse**: We'll see how Kid feels soon!

**Itavita**: I knowwwww. Kid just cares so much for Law, just not in the way he wants. （ ＴДＴ） We'll see if SmoLaw develops somewhere sometime too~

**NebulaHeroine**: Yeahhh, it's really depressing when all you wanna do is give Law a big hug! Hope you like this chapter with the SmoLaw interaction (｡´∀｀)ﾉ

**AMBher**: *gives more*

**Puroppu**: I'm glad you love the fic. I love it too! (*^▽^*)

**Bima-chan**: *hands you tissue* I know, the hurt is so good! ヽ(；▽；)ノ

**YOO**: I know, it's a really sad story and there's so much frustration for the reader. Yet the author doesn't give you any easy scapegoat character to vent that anger on, which I feel is quite brilliant.

**ladyevilbunny**: Yes, there is more to come! Though Law will still be quite a ways from happiness... o(╥﹏╥)o

**loogoo**: I agree. This is a beautiful story (´▽`ʃƪ)


	8. Chapter 8

Konnichiwa!

A short chapter, but there is smut.

But it's not what you'd expect.

Enjoy!

**Chapter warning:** NSFW. Crazy amounts of angst. Slightly OOC.

* * *

Law's fingers rested lightly against Smoker's lips, halting his progress.

The older man's face was so close, his nose touching Law's and their misted breaths mingling in the cold winter air.

Smoker frowned as he stared at Law. The younger male was trembling; his face flushed, tiny snowflakes caught upon the lashes of his closed eyes.

"...Law."

"I'm sorry, Smoker..."

"It's alright... Is this your answer, then?"

"Yes..." Law whispered with a small nod.

Kid might have rejected him, but Law's heart still refused to budge. He was weak and lonely, but he could not give himself to another just because of that.

It had to be Kid. No one else would do.

"...Thank you, Smoker..."

"It's alright..."

Smoker ran his hand through Law's hair once more, before letting him go. Reaching up, he removed the deep blue muffler from his neck and gently wrapped it around Law's throat.

"Won't want you to catch a cold."

"But you'll be cold too," Law protested with a slight smile. Indeed, Smoker's close-cropped hair didn't look like it offered much protection against the freezing wind.

"You're the one who's always falling ill," Smoker retorted as he lit a fresh cigar.

The snow continued to fall silently as the two parted amicably.

**XXXXXX**

Back home, Law lightly dusted the snow off his coat at the entrance before stepping into his dark apartment.

Switching on the lights, he padded into the kitchen to get himself a drink of water. The cold liquid stung his throat on its way down as he recalled the evening's events.

_'Just what... was I thinking...?'_

Finishing his drink, he made his way to the bathroom, haphazardly discarding his clothes on the floor.

Law turned on the faucet, before leaning against the bathroom wall and letting the hot water pound against his back. Closing his eyes, he recalled Kid's smile and his voice, and felt his body growing hot.

Law reached down and took a hold of his hardening member. With his eyes closed, he imagined Kid in front of him, Kid's lips upon his, Kid's hands on his body instead of his own.

_'Touch me... More, more...'_

Law imagined his hands tangling in crimson hair, wrapping around Kid's thick neck, caressing Kid's shoulders and chest. He imagined himself smiling as he returned Kid's kisses.

He increased the pace of his strokes, as precum began to drip unto the tiled floor.

"Mmn... Uhh... Ah..."

_'Touch me... Let me touch you too...'_

Law wrapped his arms around Kid's broad back, pressing himself tighter against the other man as Kid's lips left a trail of marks down his torso. Kid's hand had moved to touch his nipple, rubbing and pinching at the sensitive nub. Law saw himself writhing, a hand pressed against his mouth in an attempt to muffle his moans.

Law lifted his own hand to his chest, touching his nipple in the same way as Kid was doing in his mind. His moans echoed off the walls of the bathroom.

"Haah... Mm...! Aaah..."

Kid flicked at his nipple with a black-polished nail before licking the abused nub, causing goosebumps to rise along Law's back. He smirked before licking his way further down, planting a kiss at Law's navel. He then lifted Law's legs to rest upon his broad shoulders. Law averted his eyes in embarrassment. Kid smiled at him, leaning forward to whisper sweet words in his ear, while his fingers playfully teased at Law's entrance.

"Eu...sta...! Haah, Eustass...-ya...!"

Law stroked himself faster, the steam from the bath enveloping him. He was vaguely aware that he was crying, the tears indistinguishable from the water running from the showerhead.

He imagined Kid's fingers rubbing slow soothing circles around his entrance before slowly pushing a single digit inside.

Despite his imagination, Law could not conjure a similar sensation in reality. He had never touched himself there. As such, the scene in his head always stopped at this moment.

"...Aaah...! Haah, Eu...stass-ya...!"

With a final stroke, he came onto the bathroom floor. The white cum swirled for a moment in the water at his feet before disappearing down the drain.

Struggling to catch his breath, Law let his knees buckle as he leaned against the bathroom wall, sliding down to sit on the cold, wet tiles. A sense of emptiness threatened to suffocate him.

"...Haah... Kid... Kid..."

It always ended like this. He would pleasure himself by imagining these scenarios with the other man, then drown in the feelings of loneliness and guilt that followed.

_'Why don't you want me? Am I not good enough?'_

He could not stop his tears.

He wanted to smile, to return in time to that moment long ago, to tell Kid of his feelings before any of this could have happened.

Would it have changed anything? Would Kid be by his side now?

Yet promises lay broken, dreams shattered, his hands left to grasp at empty air.

He had nothing.

"...I love you..."

There was nothing left, apart from these useless words.

* * *

Please leave a review or comment if you can. All of them will be translated and presented to the original author. (・ω・*)

To the reviewers:

**Angelmon**: We'll see Kid in the next chapter! (;° ロ°)

**Muffin**: I knowwwwww! Smo-yan likes Law too, and it's gonna get complicated... :;(∩´﹏`∩);:

**Itavita** & **darkimpulse**: Sorry to dash your SmoLaw hopes for the moment... _:(´□`」 ∠):_

**YOO**: Yeah, it does seem that way, huh? But no worries, Law can still (somewhat) take care of himself!

**angelionfire** & **Collette Nicole**: Hope you enjoyed this chapter! ( ˘ ³˘)❤

**Todoay**: Yeahhh, Law knows what he wants, but he's just slightly socially-inept, so he doesn't really interact well with people... (╯_╰)

**loogoo**: Sorry to disappoint you! Law doesn't want any SmoLaw right now lol

**NebulaHeroine**: Heyyyy! Hope you had a great time at the con! And thank you, I'm just glad you're enjoying the story! But yeahhh, Law's not gonna be happy for a long long time to come... o(╥﹏╥)o


End file.
